Don't Kill Me Tonight
by starrytearss
Summary: Ray and Neela. Strange Bedfellows. Inspired by the song by Direct.
1. Chapter 1: Die If You Left Me

_Ah, here I am again. I know, you guys are probably all sick of the one-shots I do, but I just can't help myself. I don't have enough confidence to write an entire fic. I just feel so overwhelmed and out powered by the amazing, incredible authors here. Such as Panadorama, starryjen and Ocean of Ashes. I have an enormous amount of respect and love for these incredible authors, but I just feel so out powered by them. I still love you all. Anyway, on with the story/more than likely one-shot._

_Title: Don't kill me tonight_

_Author: Allie_

_Rating: K (for now)._

_Summary: Ray and Neela: Strange Bedfellows. Inspired by the song by Di-rect._

He never expected when he walked through that door to see her packing. He never expected her to drop such a bombshell so soon. He never expected her to walk out like it was no big deal. He never expected her to leave him, at least not until Michael had come home for good.

What he did expect was that he'd come home, sit on the sofa with the pizza and beers, she sitting next to him, and watching Celebrity Poker. That was their routine. But no. Not tonight.

Tonight, she was leaving him.

Most people would assume that he didn't want her to leave because she helped pay the rent, did his laundry, cleaned up the messes he made, did most of the grocery shopping…

No.

He could do all of that on his own.

This was about hidden feelings. This was of past regret and future fear. This was about a forbidden love. A friendship held so dear in his heart. This was his _best friend._ The one who made him the man he was. The one who made him realize that medicine held his heart, and not the gigs and one-night stands. The one who uncovered the _soft _side of Ray Barnett, and helped him embrace it.

The one who owned his heart.

He watched her in her bedroom doorway, packing the last of her portable belongings. He stared unseeingly, his mind fogging his eyes.

_She was leaving him._

It was almost enough for tears to prick at his eyes.

He watched as she made her way towards the doorway, towards him, and handed her his t-shirt. He took it, his hand grazing hers softly.

'I've been looking for this for like a month…'

_Autopilot. _

'I rather liked sleeping in it…I'll, uh, call you when I'm settled.'

And just like that, she walked away, through the doorframe, through the living room, and out the door.

_I would die if you left me  
Drowning in sorrow  
Baby don't kill me tonight._


	2. Chapter 2: Darkness Settles In

_Thank you all for your reviews, especially starryjen and Ocean of Ashes. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have decided to carry on with this story. Thank you. I hope you enjoy. Oh, and I don't own anything._

'_You're the best friend I've ever had.'_

The words rung in her head like poison, pinching every nerve, numbing every limb, blurring each eye, cringing her entire body.

He made it sound so _final_, like they would never see each other again. Like it was the end of something so precious and valuable. Like he was loosing everything in one course of action. And if she were crazy, she would even have thought of it like he was loosing the love of his life.

Which she was sure, he didn't feel that way. He couldn't.

Maybe she did, but not him, which was why she was driving away from their home at this very moment, watching the snow drift down from the blackness above through a taxi window, and not through the window in her bedroom. She was scared shitless of herself, and had drilled into her mind that if she had ran away from him, she would forget him, and the feelings she had developed for him over the past year.

_While she was __married__…_

That's what killed her. Just barely breaking her wedding vows to her husband.

Unconsciously, a tear made its way from her eyes, forming a puddle inside the bag under it. If she could have her way, she would turn back time and never accepted Michael's proposal.

Not that she didn't love Michael. She did, with all her heart. But she didn't know him, and she didn't know if she was _in _love with him. How can you be in love with someone you hardly even know? But she knew _him_. _He_ wasn't her husband, just simply her roommate. And she knew _him_ better than she knew her own husband.

_God damn you Neela._

A surge of betrayal coursed through her body. How could she do this to Michael? How in the hell could she have fallen for someone else, while he was fighting in the war, risking his life every single day, _just_ to come back to her?

But yet again, he _chose _to go back to Iraq, and leave her abandoned, and no where left to turn.

Except to _him. _He who wasn't her husband. Just her roommate. Someone to come home to, someone to actually _be_ with, someone to talk to, someone who always knew how to cheer her up, someone…

She mentally scolded herself. She was doing it again, comparing _him _to her husband.

_There's __nothing__ to compare._

Michael was her husband. _He_ was her ex-roommate.

She stared at the silver band on her left wedding finger. This time, a surge of guilt paralyzed her. Michael was an amazing man. A loyal, humble man. And here she was, comparing him to her ex-roommate.

When there was nothing to compare.

The cab came to a stop, and she was pulled up in front of Abby's apartment building. She paid the fare, murmured a soft 'thank you', and exited the vehicle. The bitter wind chilled her bones as she made her way up the steps. She took out her key, placed it inside the doorknob, turned the key, and entered the almost foreign building.

She had lived here before, with Abby, but it never was a 'home' to her. Just a building.

She climbed the steps-each one causing more and more difficulty to accept this decision- making her way to the second floor. She walked down the corridor to Abby's apartment. She wasn't ready to call it her own yet. _Her_ apartment was across town. Not here.

Or, not yet anyway.

She placed a different key inside the lock, turned it to the left, and opened it with a creak.

It was dark. Cold. Nothing like her old apartment.

She placed her bags on the floor after she closed the door, and flicked the light switch on. Her breath caught in her throat, and a hand raced her way to her chest.

He sat there, on the sofa, staring at her with piercing green eyes. Her voice suddenly betrayed her, feeling like it was closing in on her, her heart beginning to sink into her stomach with those eyes, those pain, almost anger-filled eyes. She gave a slight cough, clearing her throat of the lump that had formed there.

'Ray…'


	3. Chapter 3: We'll Stay Forever This Way

Author's Note: So sorry for the overly (is that even a word?) long delay. I had a bit of writer's block in between finishing the last chapter and starting the next. But I hope that this chapter was worth the wait. But I owe a big thank you to my beta-reader, Ocean of Ashes. Thank you so much. Also, I am so amazed to see how well-received this story has been so far. Keep the reviews coming!

She literally lost her balance at the sight of him, stumbling back a few steps. She stared at him for what seemed like ages, those deep, sea-green eyes drowning her deep, chocolate brown ones. The tears that had dried from her eyes only minuets earlier had suddenly found their way back, and threatened to spill over her heavy lids.

'Wh-what are you doing here?' she asked shakily. She felt her chest rise and fall far too rapidly, and the beating of her heart rose abnormally high.

He stood from the chair, revealing his t-shirt on the arm of it. He walked a few steps closer to her. He said the first thing that came to his mind, not caring how out of line it could be, or how she would react. The only thing that mattered was that he _finally_ had the courage to tell her how he felt, and he wasn't going to let the chance pass by. He walked closer to her, gazed deeper into her eyes, his voice deep and soft, just above a whisper.

'Running after you.'

She looked at him in disbelief. The initial shock had never worn off, and she was still trying to comprehend that he was _here_, in Abby's apartment, right in front of her.

She looked down at his hands when he reached out for hers. They were warm.

Soft.

Gentle.

She looked back up into his eyes. Tears began to fall, without her consent.

'You shouldn't be here,' she choked out, trying to release herself from his grasp, but she couldn't find the energy to do so.

'Neither should you.' He raised his hands from hers and cupped her face, rubbing the tears from her cheeks.

'Why are you doing this Neela?'

His tone was so gentle, so loving and caring. She had never been spoken to like this…

Not even by Michael.

_Michael…_

She stepped back, watching his hands fall from her face. She breathed heavily, trying to find the words to explain.

'I have to…'

_Because it's the right thing to do._

'_Why_?' he demanded.

_Because I fell in love with you while I married him…_

'I told you. We both know why…'

'What if I don't? Why don't you explain it to me, Neela, because I sure as hell don't get it?' His voice was slightly louder now, the frustration getting the best of him.

'Jesus, Ray, don't do this. Please...'

'No Neela, I need to know why you're leaving. I need to know why, after the best two years of my life, you're deciding to move out. So you're married. _So what?_ Michael obviously doesn't care, so why should you?'

The pit of her stomach swelled with anger. Her eyes burned with fury. 'How dare you!'

'Oh come on, Neela, you know it's the truth. If he cared HALF as much about you as I do, he would have stayed and made a life with you! But no, he decided to go back across the world and ABANDON you. Did you _forget_ that somewhere? God I was there for you more than he ever was! You just can't accept that can you? The fact that your roommate was more of a husband than your actual husband ever was. Think about it Neela. What has he ever done for you? Neela, I meant what I said when I told you you're the best friend I've ever had. You deserve so much more than a man who comes back from a war to marry you and leave you not even two months later. _So_ much more. But you're gonna settle for the "humble, honourable and heroic" one. Why? Because he's the "safe" choice? What has he ever done for you besides abandoning you? How is _that_ safe? Answer that one for me.'

There was dead silence. Neela's shaky breathing was deafening. Tears continued to streak down her face. Her heart felt like it was being shattered like glass. Her hands shook feverishly. The heartache was almost too much to bear.

He was right, in every aspect of his speech, and she knew it. As much as she wanted to slap him across the face for his insults towards her husband, she knew he was right. And she hated it. She hated herself for marrying Michael while she had feelings for Ray. She hated herself for marrying him when she didn't even know him. She hated him for not being there for her.

And she hated Ray. Hated him for being there where Michael should have.

'Damn it Ray. What do you want me to say?' her voice was so vulnerable, so weak and fragile.

She watched him as he stared at her, his chest rising and falling just as fast as hers. He shook his head.

'I want you to tell my why you're leaving. I want you to tell me everything.'

Neela stared into his eyes once more. How was she going to tell him? It was all too much. But before she could protest against herself, she heard herself speaking.

'Jesus, Ray. Don't…play these games. You _know_ why I'm leaving. I'm married. I have a husband. That's why I have to leave. Because of Michael. And…I can't _trust _myself around you!'

She paused, never taking her eyes off Ray. She wondered if that was enough to get him to leave.

'But what has he done for you, Neela? You can't tell me- while being completely honest- that you don't sometimes question why you're being so loyal.'

She let out a heartbreaking sob. She tried to speak, but her voice betrayed her for the second time that night.

'You _do, _don't you?' his voice had returned to genuine concern and care.

She choked on her sobs, hands continuing to shake feverishly, the hair on the back of her neck standing, her teeth clenched, and tears rolling down her face. She watched Ray as he stood there, mouth slightly agape, eyes narrowed on her. There was so much determination and desire in those eyes. She watched with watery eyes as he walked closer to her again. He cupped his hands along her cheeks, rubbing away the salty tears softly. Neela's eyes fluttered as he rested his forehead against hers.

'Shh…shh…'

They stood there a while, hearts pounding against the other. They breathed heavily in unison. Neela raised her hands over his, savouring his touch. Her bottom lip trembled as she let out another sob. Ray pulled her into his arms, stroking her back gently.

'Why are you doing this to yourself Neela? This isn't what you want. You know it and I know it. You deserve to be happy. Not waiting for God knows how long for him to be back, and when he does, you know it won't be for long. Why don't you do what you _want_, and not what you think is right?'

He pulled her out of his embrace after a short pause, and placed his hands back along her cheeks, reuniting their foreheads. She instinctively returned her hands to clasp his.

'Why don't you do what's right down _here,' _he rested a finger on her heart, 'and not up here,' he rested a finger on her head. 'You're allowed to be selfish, you deserve to be.'

They stood there for what seemed like hours, listening to the other breathe with intensity, feeling their hearts beat against the other's chest. Ray caressed her chocolate, soft skin, as she did to his. He watched intently as her bottom lip continued to quiver, looking incredibly tempting, but he fought to control himself. If anything was going to happen tonight, she was going to start it.

Suddenly, he felt her head shift upwards. He drew his head back, and he found himself gazing into her soulful brown eyes, glistening with tears. Slowly, ever so slowly, she reached up, him meeting her halfway, and placed a soft, gentle kiss on his soft, warm lips.

Immediately, they both felt a surge of electricity bolt through their bodies. Neela felt Ray's lips gently and softly caress hers, and she had never felt anything so sensual. She gave a small smile when she felt Ray's tongue slightly part their intertwined lips, begging for access to her mouth. She gratefully allowed him inside, and shivered slightly when she felt his tongue graze the roof of her mouth, and then dancing alongside her own. Neela ran her hands to his face, gently cupping one cheek with one of her hands, and resting the other on his neck. She felt tears of relief pour down her face.

Suddenly, Ray parted slightly from her, allowing her to pull away if she decided to. They both panted heavily, and Ray waited expectantly for her to walk away.

But she didn't.

She reached back up to him, pressing her lips back against his.

_Because this __couldn't__ be wrong._

He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his torso, and he carried her to the bedroom.


	4. Chapter 4: The Inevitable

**You guys are amazing.**

This wasn't supposed to happen, she knew. She knew it would be breaking every vow she ever made to Michael, breaking every promise to herself.

Breaking all the barriers she had built around herself from him.

She knew she had to stop him. But she didn't.

She couldn't find the strength to.

He lay her down gently on the soft blanket of the bed, never parting his lips from hers. She found herself blinking back tears. Tears of fear. Fear of what they were about to do. Fear that she wasn't doing a single thing to stop it.

Fear of herself...because she wanted this more than anything in the world.

He began to peel of her clothing, inch by inch. He trailed kisses down her neck, making her shiver. She gently dug her nails into the back of him, searching for the hem of his shirt.

Ray pulled himself up, and discarded the barrier of clothing, returning instantly back down to her.

He continued to smother her with his love, and all she could do was let him.

He ran his hands down to the waistband of her jeans, and began-with expertise-to unbutton them. Once he succeeded, he pulled them gently down her silky smooth legs. Neela arched herself back to help him, and soon enough, she was only dressed in a bra and panties.

He returned his mouth to hers, and began to kiss her with fierce determination. It made her weak at the knees, and she couldn't help but join him in a war of tongues, shivering slightly with him.

As he teased her, she ran her hands down to his belt buckle, flawlessly undoing it, and pulled the clothing down. Ray lifted himself up, and with one smooth motion, the jeans were on the floor.

He then peeled the bra straps down her shoulders, kissing the skin that lay there. Neela instinctively wrapped her arms around his head as he did so, stroking his hair like a child. She planted a kiss at the top of his gelled hair, snuggling her face into it as she did.

She arched her back from the mattress when she felt his hands snake behind her back, finding the clasp of her bra, and flicked it apart, throwing it onto the floor beside the bed.

The only pieces of clothing on the both of them were barriers from the most important aspects of their aching bodies.

But Ray didn't rush. He brought his lips back to hers, kissing her there, down her throat, down to her shoulders, and finally, to her breasts.

'Ray…' she gasped in a low whisper. She dug her nails gently into his hair.

He trailed kisses down her bare stomach, receiving shivers in reply.

He then placed his hands on the waistband of her panties and tugged them down. Neela responded immediately by lifting herself up, and was finally fully naked.

Once he returned his lips to hers, she tugged at his boxers, which were in two seconds on the floor with the rest of it.

Two years of sexual tension finally escaped free in the still of the night.


End file.
